Although my family lived quite far from extended family when I was very young, my memories in general really begin about the time we moved to Roswell, NM. My twin brother Herschel and I were six, and with the exception of 1 year in Cedar City, Utah and 1 year in Springerville, Arizona, we lived within a 5 hour radius of our grandparents from that point on. Regardless of how tight the budget might have been, it was always important that we spent time over Christmas with both my mom’s and my dad’s families. We knew that there might be very little around our family’s Christmas tree at home, but we would be packing up and traveling to spend several days with our family.
My dad’s extended family was relatively small. He was one of three children and his siblings, my Aunt Susan and my Uncle Ben and Aunt Sharon, had just 1 and 2 children respectively. Our cousin Shannon is just 7 days younger than myself and Herschel and our cousins Sara and Kristen are just a few years younger than my twin sisters, Kari and Kathi.
On the other hand, my mom’s family was considerably larger. My mom was one of 6 children and each of her siblings had 2-4 children. There were 18 cousins altogether, several of who were close to my age. We were seldom at my grandparents’ home all at once. Our families would arrive and overlap on either end of our stays so that we saw several of the families each year for a couple of days but might miss a family or two as well if our travels dates required.
Those shared holidays, and the many other times each year that we saw our grandparents and certain clusters of cousins, must have made an impression on all 4 of my siblings. We certainly do not live close to one another but for 14 years we’ve made concerted effort to share a holiday together. We alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving every other year, allowing the in-law families exclusive rights to the other. This tradition began Thanksgiving before Franklin and I married that New Year’s Eve. Herschel and Alison had been married a year and a half, Tim and Kathi had been married 11 months and had a newborn (our parents 2nd grandchild, Adrian) who was just 3 weeks old, and Kari and Justin were engaged to be married the next May.
It’s not unusual that families would be together during the holidays, but it might interest you to know how we manage 26 (9 adults and 17 children) for many days (often 7 days for our corporate Christmas holidays) under 1 roof. Aside – One of my favorite Netflix shows right now is “The Duggars: 19 Kids and Counting”. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a people watcher and it stands to reason that if I can’t watch people in person, reality television fits the bill. Although we have experience managing 20+ for a week for many years now, there’s considerable planning and organization for the event. I can’t quite wrap my mind around the logistics for life 24/7, 365 days a year for their very large family.
Of course, we did not start with 26. Hindsight being what it is, with Bailey and Adrian being the only children 14 years ago, while we probably thought the logistics of 10 adults and 2 children was extreme, it was simple in comparison.
We have a very specific rotation system. Bailey spends every other holiday with his dad, a schedule that is standard for custody arrangements, so the holiday that I have Bailey is the holiday the Thompsons congregate. If it’s a Thanksgiving visit, and is thus a shorter holiday, we meet in Joplin (Kari’s home) or Norman (Herschel’s home), requiring no family more than 10 hours of travel time. If it’s a Christmas visit, with more time to travel, we alternate between Portales and wherever Kathi’s family happens to be living (St. Louis or Jackson, Wyoming).
Unless we are in Portales, where both our family and our mother have large homes, we find a rental that can accommodate 26 or my siblings coordinate with generous friends who allow several of us to stay in their homes while they travel. The rentals often lend to the “experience”. One rental in Arkansas is referred to as the “roach motel” and a second in Arkansas was filthy when we arrived. We certainly had the opportunity to leave the home “nicer than we found it”! One year my parents rented an RV that we parked outside my brother’s home in Norman. We’ve not mentioned that as an option since!
One of our favorite retreats was Jacob’s Ladder outside Norman. We’re returning there this Thanksgiving. We’ve not been in 8 years, since Caden was 6 weeks old, and since I had a newborn I did not venture far from the main house but I do remember the bunkhouse 50 yards from the main house was fantastic for the majority of kids. There is a lake that will be less worrisome now that the majority of the kids are 7 years old or older, hiking trails (that I will be able to enjoy this year) and a gym for indoor play should the weather turn cold.
Jacob’s Ladder will be emotional. Thanksgiving 8 years ago was our last holiday with our dad. We make it a point to take lots of pictures of cousin fun, individual families and a large group photo of everyone. Our full family photo from Jacob’s Ladder is the last we have with dad.
Food becomes a variable we spend lots of hours thinking about and planning for. Several of us are gluten free now and most of us are at least moderately health conscious. Several prefer organic and free-range and several are very picky about their coffee J. We’ve not ever discussed this but I would assume we all “pray up” for the weekend (Franklin and I certainly do) and God is good to bless our time together! We know that we are somewhat the exception to extended family relations. With the love of Christ as our example, we truly want to honor and serve each other and are conscious of putting the needs of others in front of our own, knowing that it is through Christ alone that we are able to bear fruit!
We divide the meals amongst the families and create an online, editable spreadsheet about a month out. We add our meal thoughts to the spreadsheet to ensure a nice variety of meals for our time together. We prepare and freeze what we can ahead of time and the family that is responsible for cooking the meal also cleans up afterwards. Most of the kids are old enough to have set chores and cleanup duties at home and you can be sure that they pitch in to make our family gatherings as enjoyable for the adults as it is for the kids.
We often have to be creative with the sleeping arrangements. Couples and “Grammars” always have an actual bed, although often couples get a twin bed and a hide-away (a common accoutrement of vacation rentals). The kids bunk down in random hallways, 2nd living areas, laundry room floors, and breezeways with air mattresses, cots, camping mats, sleeping bags and make-shift pallets. The arrangement often changes from night to night, depending on which cousins paired off as best-cousins for the day. With the exception of Bailey, who is 3 years older than Adrian, and the youngest, Grace, our kids have cousins who are just months apart from each other in age. In fact, all four of our families were pregnant together two different times. We have a cluster of 4 twelve year olds and a cluster of 4 seven-eight year olds right now.
We all bring talents to the table that lend well to managing the gang. My classroom instruction experience allows me to manage Christmas tamales and craft time with Aunt Marea. My sister-in-law Alison is also a classroom educator with a music education background. She single handedly organized and directed our first Christmas play last year, involving (and costuming) every child. My brother-in-law Tim (an avid hiker) and my twin Herschel (a Boy Scout leader) plan outdoor adventures with the kids, and our mom enjoys reading books with smallest children who often need more 1 on 1 love.
My sisters are both amazing in the kitchen and help organize upon arrival to assure efficiency throughout our stay. They are also our resident pediatricians keeping everyone diligent in hygiene standards and cleanliness, assuring that we all stay healthy. My brother-in-law Justin is the barista for the group, keeping us happy and caffeinated, and last but not least, Franklin, who is more musically talented than he ever lets on, leads the family in praise and worship and DJs for our annual sock-hop.
I’ve mentioned a “tradition” that is worth expounding on (the annual sock-hop) and there are a few more “traditions” you might find interesting. The sock-hop is one of the highlights of our visit. We take “dressy” clothes for the kids (the kind you have to buy for 1 event [a concert or a wedding] each year and never get much use out of it before it’s too small) and clear a room to make a “dance floor”. Grammars spends the afternoon making popcorn balls and marshmallow treats with the kids for “snacks” at the “dance”. Franklin (and some of the older boys) DJ while 25 of us dance around the dance floor. It’s crazy fun! Daddy’s spend lots of time dancing with their daughters and crazy Aunts take long lines of cousins on dance “train” follow the leader esque laps while Grammars (she laughs that she was raised Southern Baptist and never learned to dance) watches and claps for our hijinks.
I’ve mentioned that my brother-in-law Justin is our resident barista. Coffee is a beautiful escape at our get-togethers for the mommies. We send the kids off to explore and enjoy their cousins between meals and the mommies sit down to enjoy catching up on life. I drink too much coffee anyways, and my coffee consumption accelerates at our get-togethers (thus the crazy dance “train” follow the leader esque laps on the dance floor). It would take me pages to sufficiently describe how much joy my three sisters and my mom bring to my life. Because we do not see each other more than 2-3 times a year, “coffee” time is a top priority!
When we are together for Christmas, we have a stocking exchange rather than traditional gifts. We bring and hang stockings, creating a wall of stockings with 26. We often have to hang a 2nd plastic bag behind each stocking to catch the overflow. We bring a small something for everyone; fun matching socks for the kids, sample sized toiletries of a fun product we’ve discovered throughout the year, finger glow rings, glow sticks, small framed family photos, or one of thousands of small Pinterest crafts.
Our planning for this year has begun. I’ve got to spend some time organizing the meals our family is responsible for and finding our camping bedding for the kids. I put the Christmas tree up more than a month ago and decorated it for fall. The lights do wonders for my attitude as the holidays approach. I’m reminded of the one who came to be The Light of the World and our Thanksgiving celebrations put a high priority on our relationship with our Heavenly Father.
I’m reminded of the stories of both Joseph and Esther. I believe we are living in the time and place God pre-ordained for us and I believe that others in our lives are, in miraculous ways, here for very specific reasons. My siblings speak into my life in ways no one else on Earth does. I can’t wait to change gears for 4 days, re-connect with 21 of my “others”, enjoying them and serving them however I can, and I’m grateful that our entire family approaches our time in the same way. We are truly blessed, despite the challenges each one of us face. From the Smiths to your family, Happy Thanksgiving!